The Dressing Room

You’re going to try on clothes. You usually reserve that for home, preferring to use your mirror and your lighting to decide if something fits or looks good.

The dressing room has mirrors everywhere. You walk in greeted by a half octagon entry aligned with mirrors. In the stall, there are mirrors on every side. Even when the dressing room is adorned with a charming chandelier, the hippest paint colors and trendy wall décor, the lighting is harsh and the mirrors show the reflection of every nook and cranny. They highlight the parts of you that you are disgruntled with.

Failure. A broken pelvis isn’t a failure as we typically think of it, but can seem like it when you’ve fought hard to beat endometriosis and take care of yourself. Getting the x-ray and MRI results confirming two breaks in my pelvis, elicited more testing that told the story of severe osteoporosis. It was as if I was looking in the mirrors in the dressing room and seeing the dimples of fat and a pair of jeans that didn’t quite fit right.

Since then, many have asked how it happened. I thought up this great story about trying to perfect the longest ollie while taking up skate boarding over the summer to explain the break. It’s much more exciting than the truth: My bones gave up while I was waiting at the copier.

It has taken a long time to be even remotely independent in my daily life. No work for more than two months has been both a blessing and a hardship.

The time off and the fractures caused me to reflect and plan. What will life look like now? Things I had hoped to do one day, uncertain or outlawed. What does this mean for a future? Limits are put on activities. Surfing? Horseback riding?

Compression fractures.

Broken wrists

Broken femurs

A re-break in the pelvis.

These were like accessories to the wardrobe I’d been wearing. It’s been like trying on outfits you know you should wear, but don’t want to buy and walk out of the store with because they don’t fit your personality and dreams.

These forced choices to be made in changing my exercise routine, changing my diet/supplementation, and adding prescription medication, as I waited through the healing process. The continuation of this process is taking leaps of faith to pursue my dreams now and not wait for when the children are grown up or more independent, to wait for the financial security the world says I need for it to be a level-headed, responsible choice.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-12 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.”

I’m beginning with putting my heart’s desires in the forefront again and creating a time and place to pursue them. Welcome to the journey with me. I would love to build a community of others who are choosing to carve out time for a dream, maybe one that our culture says is crazy and not worth pursuing.

My pursuits:

Writing every day on a project

Continuing my exercise/physical therapy changes

Blogging consistently

Completing the Iowa Writer’s Workshop online course

Tragedy, disappointment, strife, and pain allow us to know how to celebrate life nor live it fully. When was the last time you celebrated your life? When was the last time you gave yourself permission to live happily in the moment? What can you do to be true to your heart to allow life to come?

 

 

2 thoughts on “The Dressing Room

  1. Oh how I hate that you are going through this, but I am encouraged by you. I have been feeling the pull to put some of those “heart desires” to the forefront again as the clock ticks ever closer to another birthday. Still percolating those dreams, but maybe joining some fellow dreamers would help.

    1. Christina, I’m glad my story can encourage you! What has kept those heart desires from being in the forefront for you? I have struggled so much with media influence that I really schedule the amount of time I’m on social media or have the tv on in the house as well as what advertising I allow in my realm of influence. What dreams do you feel prompted to try out? Thanks for you transparency and encouragement.

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